a commercial to go nationwide

One idea of the ever-shrewd german, Greig von Grieg, was to film a commercial promoting horse jockey, Pesky von Bloch, and his daring endeavor to compete in Saturday’s horse race.

This was one way for me, the screenwriter, to reaffirm the slug line of the film, amidst all the other craziness and empty dialogue. Seems like I had to continue forcing the main objective of Pesky on the audience because I was never convinced that I was ever doing it properly and in a coherent way.

I think a good practice for short films with heavy dialogue, like “von Bloch”, is to provide for the audience the main point of the story within the first 3-5 minutes (of course, depending on the total running time). And yet, the script was never written that way. So I went back and added fresh scenes, but even these wouldn’t compose the first five minutes, but I was relieved to know they would help keep the audience focused on the character’s main objectives as the film progressed.

The actual commercial was not exactly intended to make the final cut, but the “making of” scenes would, and I hoped they would keep the storyline moving in a straight line.

Click below to see the commercial. 1 minute 31 seconds.

The editing could use some nips and tucks here and there, but for a minute and a half, I think it rolls fairly smoothly. And as stated, this ad could never, in it’s entirety, make the final cut. I have at least two ideas for showing a section of this ad in the film.

Also, the titles, graphics and sound effects were not originally part of the script. After seeing a cut of the monologue, and the crazy way in which it was filmed, I would have been a total fool NOT to have a bit of fun with it, where possible.

Overall, it is what it is and I’m amused by the scene. I think it compliments the film nicely.

The entire film will be available 20300.

Tags: danny kneip, greig von grieg, mark mushakian, pesky, von bloch film